Shiri Zinn Cupcake

While I would not consider myself particularly girly, I fully admit to liking “cute” sex toys, such as the Crystal Delights Hello Kitty Crystal Minx Magnetic Bunny Tail Plug, one of my recent, much-loved acquisitions. However, some things are WAY too cutesy to be sex toys, like the Shiri Zinn Cupcake Vibrator. *shudder*

As part of the sex blogger community, I interact with other reviewers and stay on top of what is happening in our little corner of the blogosphere. Recently, there was some noise about the Shiri Zinn Cupcake Vibrator that came out in early 2013. I noticed when it was released, but had no real interest in reviewing it, as it falls into that too creepy for me category. However, all the buzz piqued my curiosity so I put out feelers and found someone who was able to send it to me.

When I first opened the tin and held the Cupcake Vibrator in my hand, not only was it heavier than expected, it was also more disturbing. It somehow crosses the line from cute and fun to “I don’t want that anywhere near my vagina”, and that’s saying something coming from me.

Let’s start with some basics, shall we? The Shiri Zinn Cupcake Vibrator is just under 3″ tall, approximately 8.5″ in circumference (right under the frosting), and weighs 5.5 ounces, which was less than I had anticipated. 5.5 ounces or not, it has an awkward and heavy feel to it that may cause problems for some people.

According to the Shiri Zinn website, the Cupcake Vibrator is made from “best-grade silicone”. However, it has a mildly unpleasant odor that reminds me of mixed-material toys that claim to be all silicone. (Did you know that because sex toy manufacturing is not overseen by any official agency, companies can tell you anything they want about their products, true or not?) You’d think the odor would be off-putting enough, not to mention Cara Sutra’s Cupcake review with images of the Cupcake’s complete flame test failure, but apparently it wasn’t.

Having read a great article about toxic sex toys by Dangerous Lilly not that long ago, I went and licked the damn thing. My tongue felt weird for a good long while afterward and the odd sensation only went away after eating an orange AND brushing my teeth. I know it’s sightly strange but I’ve actually licked sex toys before to see if they have any taste and I’ve never had this happen. I gotta say, I think making my mouth taste bad and my tongue feel icky is not classy.

I’ve got a question for any of you who have ever used a sex toy before (or anyone who has a lick of common sense). What must you always eventually do after having an orgasm (or not, depending on the toy) with a sex toy? If your answer was some form of “clean it, you numbskull”, you win a prize. Shiri Zinn, a sex toy manufacturer, does not.

Know why? The Shiri Zinn Cupcake is neither waterproof nor splash proof. No joke. It says right in the user manual you are to “clean toy with a damp cloth only”. Um, WTF?? Seriously, people, who makes a sex toy that basically cannot be washed after you orgasm all over it? Yes, you can spritz it with a sex toy cleaner and wipe it down, but c’mon. How the hell does anyone who has a vagina or has ever used a sex toy think creating one that can’t get anywhere near water is a good idea?

Sooooo, try not to get this vibrator dirty, I guess. By which I mean, just leave it in the tin. Or better yet, throw it out and do something useful with the tin, like storing your laundry quarters. How can any self-respecting sex toy not even be splash proof?

Due to the fact that the Shiri Zinn Cupcake Vibrator is made of “silicone”, you can disinfect it with a 10% bleach solution. In theory. I wouldn’t want to actually get bleach anywhere near this toy because I’m relatively sure it would end up melting like the Wicked Witch of the West.

The silicone of the Cupcake Vibrator means you’ll want to stick to water-based lubricants. The user manual does specify avoiding alcohol and silicone-based products and this may well be the one area in which Shiri Zinn and I agree. Again, shades of the Wicked Witch.

Speaking of lube, the Cupcake has got to have the worst size to amount of lube ratio of any vibrator I own. The amount of drag this silicone has is worse than some of the draggiest sex toys I’ve used. Both the pink frosting and the red and white polka dot wrapper are matte as opposed to the shiny red cherry. The wrapper has more drag than the frosting but neither has as much drag as the cherry. In essence, I suppose my point is that the Shiri Zinn Vibrator is a…drag.

The Shiri Zinn Cupcake Vibrator is controlled by one button located on the underside of the Cupcake wrapper, so at least it is easy to use. Turn the Cupcake on and cycle through its five modes by pressing this button over and over until you find the mode you think will best help you orgasm. The five modes of the Shiri Zinn Cupcake Vibrator are as follows:
1. Low steady vibration
2. High steady vibration
3. Cycle of highish power then lower power
4. Pulsation
5. One long pulse, two short pulses

Once you have had an orgasm (if you are able to), press and hold the power button for two seconds to turn the Cupcake off.

The vibrations are not Hitachi Magic Wand loud, but they are louder than I expect from a vibrator of this size, which is especially true considering the lack of overall power of the Shiri Zinn Cupcake Vibrator. Granted, it’s not the weakest vibrator I’ve ever used, but the noise, as well as the amount of vibration transferred to my hand, indicates more strength than is actually present.

In addition to being weak and loud, the vibrations are buzzy and high-pitched, which I find beyond unpleasant. Another question for the class. Looking at the Shiri Zinn Cupcake Vibrator, where do you think you should feel the vibrations most? If your answer was “in the cherry on top”, you win a prize and again Shiri Zinn does not.

Rather than being focused in the cherry at the top of the vibrator, which would make the most sense, the Cupcake’s vibrations are all in the cupcake wrapper. That’s the bottom of the vibrator for those keeping track. This creates several issues. The vibrations, already on the weak side, are diffused by the large base of the Cupcake, causing them to be even weaker. Without some sort of pointy area, it’s challenging to achieve good clitoral contact, making an orgasm that much more elusive.

For those of you not familiar with buzzy hand syndrome (lucky duckies), it’s when your hand absorbs too much vibration. The sensation ranges from slightly unpleasant to downright painful. The more vibration absorbed by your hand, the more uncomfortable it is, especially as the feeling tends to continue for some time after the vibrator has been turned off.

With most of the vibrations coming from the base of the Cupcake, buzzy hand syndrome is guaranteed for me. It’s surprising how painful enough weak, high-pitched vibration can be. Thanks for that, Shiri Zinn.

Just because something fits in the palm of your hand does not make it ergonomic, not that Shiri Zinn claims this is the case. It just seems to me that if you’re designing a hand-sized vibrator, you’d want it to be comfortable and easy to hold.

I can’t seem to find a good way to grip the Cupcake Vibrator. If I wrap my hand and fingers around the base, the ridges press into my flesh after a few minutes and my hands starts to cramp quickly. If I hold it more in the palm of my hand with my fingers pointing up, I am grasping the frosting with the tops of my fingers and my nails get in the way.

I have some sensitivity in my hands at times, so this may not be an problem for many people, but those with hand/wrist issues definitely need to beware. I also have slightly long nails, but they’re not an unusual length. When you add the weight, the ridges, the nails, and buzzy hand syndrome all together, the Shiri Zinn Cupcake Vibrator makes for a particularly unhappy sex toy experience and a very grumpy sex blogger.

Third and final question. What is the primary purpose of a sex toy? Of course, there are different answers to this question, but when you come right down to it, the answer is usually one simple word. Orgasm. On her website, Shiri Zinn has a very complicated explanation of the purpose of her sex toys- “…It challenges the boundaries between what is deemed acceptable and unacceptable for public consumption and questions value judgments…” Pardon me a moment while I grab a ginger chew to settle my stomach.

Aside from being unnecessarily complicated, that statement seems to indicate Shiri Zinn is a company that wants to open people’s minds and expand the acceptance of sexuality and the use of sex toys. This is a good thing. One might think such a mission would indicate some sort of dedication to honesty, openness, and creating quality products and positive experiences. One might be disappointed.

Based upon my experience with the Shiri Zinn Cupcake Vibrator, seeing the unrealistic sex toys offered by the company, and learning about certain practices, I must call shenanigans.

I’m not going to take any time to discuss other Shiri Zinn products here. As for me calling shenanigans, I merely want you to be sure you are reading reviews on Shiri Zinn products from a source you know to be trustworthy and reliable before making decisions to invest your money.

The other day, he showed me a review he’d found on a product he’s currently reviewing. The review was so shiny and happy it seemed to have no basis in reality, but rather had the feel of being either a purchased or placed review. You know, a situation in which someone has been paid (or bullied or threatened) to write a favorable review or the review was actually written by the company itself.

If you aren’t sure where to find candid and credible reviews, at the end of this post you’ll find a list of other reviewers who have written about the Shiri Zinn Cupcake Vibrator. In my experience, these sex bloggers are open and honest, and though I may not always agree with them, I trust their feedback.

I don’t have much more to say about the actual use of the Cupcake Vibrator. I find the vibrations to be lightweight and buzzy, which I never like. I think they are far too loud and weak for the size of this toy. I do not find it comfortable to use and it gives me buzzy hand syndrome, which pisses me off. What more can I tell you? Oh, I suppose this is important…I cannot orgasm using the Shiri Zinn Cupcake Vibrator.

The packaging of the Shiri Zinn Cupcake Vibrator is really the only thing I like about this toy. It comes in a red and white polka dotted tin that matches the Cupcake Vibrator’s wrapper. The fact that it’s metal means it’s super sturdy and can be used for long-term storage.

The tin contains the Shiri Zinn Cupcake Vibrator, the user manual with a totally random pinup girl on its front, and the two necessary AAA batteries. I do give Shiri Zinn props for including the batteries, something I think all sex toy manufacturers need to do.

You know one of my pet peeves is the lack of appropriate information in user manuals. While Shiri Zinn does provide the basics, there is one incorrect piece of info and it’s a biggie. The manual states the Cupcake Vibrator has five speeds, when it actually has five modes- two speeds and three patterns.

I know this seems like a small error, but it really isn’t. Five speeds indicates there are five different levels of power, not that the vibrator does five different things. To me, this means the Shiri Zinn Cupcake should have significantly more power than it actually does. This is a serious difference that could cause innocent orgasm seekers to be led astray.

I’m really confused about the design of the user manual. What’s up with the whole 1950′s pinup girl vibe? It just comes out of nowhere. Is the connection supposed to be the polka dots? Is it some sort of attempt to class up a sex toy that is not very classy on its own? I know, not important, but these little details bug me.

I have a big mental block with the Shiri Zinn Cupcake Vibrator. When I look at it I don’t see sex and orgasms (I mean, it’s a freaking cupcake). I think about my four old cousin who is really into baking and wants be a cupcake maker when she grows up.

This is totally specific to me and not a comment on the vibrator itself, but there is something disturbing about looking at the sexy pinup girl and what looks like a child’s toy side by side. Other than being completely arbitrary, it’s just creepy.

Shiri Zinn Cupcake Vibrator Pros:
• Included batteries
• Easy to use
• Sturdy container can be resourced

Shiri Zinn Cupcake Vibrator Cons:
• Not waterproof or splash proof
• Buzzy and weak vibrations
• Buzzy hand syndrome
• Loudish
• Unpleasant odor
• Doesn’t seem to be pure silicone (trust me, don’t lick it)
• Heavy and awkward for its size
• May cause hand cramping/discomfort

Even when I am not happy with a particular sex toy, I try very hard to find something to like about it and I often do. In the case of the Shiri Zinn Cupcake Vibrator, I have failed utterly.

The Shiri Zinn Cupcake Vibrator just has so many terrible qualities and not a single good one. When the only positive things I can say about sex toy is that the batteries are included and I like the packaging, we’re in trouble. Then there’s the whole lack of orgasm issue. For me, Shiri Zinn = no orgasms.

Read some of my sex toy reviews, then check out some of these really great stores and spend your money on a vibrator that is actually worth your time. If you just feel like tossing money away, give it to an organization that will benefit from it, like Best Friends, instead of a sex toy manufacturer that does not deserve your business.

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